Dead Hard Drive

Dear blog,

My computer died today. Took it to the store and everything- the hard drive is shot.

I've lost everything. 5 years worth os documents and I've lost it all.

I'm not sure wether I should cry or scream or throw something. I debated throwing the computer, but I didn't think it would help. I hit a pillow a few times. And screamed at a wall.

It's strange that I'm feeling this emotion over this object, but it's not the hard drive, it's everything that was on it. All my photos, documents, my writings.

All my writings.

I know this may just be an initial overreaction. But I think I'm allowed to be pissed here.

I firmly believe that things happen for a reason. Not small things, like your doughnut shop being out of your favorite flavor- but bigger things. Things that really impact what you do and how you view your day. I think losing a computer counts as one of those things.

So what's the reason? What's this teaching me? Or showing me? Maybe it's too soon to figure that out right now. But I need to think of something, otherwise I'll be pissed for the next few days, and I'd rather not be pissed on my birthday.

Maybe it's this:

I've lost five years of stuff- but that includes five years of junk. Five years worth of that stuff that I could never delete and I never knew why. Five years of things that made me sad when I saw them. Five years worth of collected "goals" that weren't really my goals anymore. Five years worth of bad writing that helped me to grow but was okay to move on from.

But who knows. I'm not even entirely sure why I'm writing this- I don't have a lesson to share. I guess, I'm just writing cause I don't know what else to do. Just letting the world know that I'm upset. And letting myself know that I'm upset.

And I think that's fair.

RB