Dear Internet users who should be in bed by now,
Hi again. It's been a while.
I've been having attacks again lately. And when I have an attack, I don't normally want to do anything. I want to hide under covers and play music until I forget what's happening to me. Hence me not writing in a long time.
But I know writing is good for me, and so I write. Or, I guess, so I type.
Anyway, here's the problem as of late:
I'm a negative person. I think negative thoughts and I get frustrated very easily. My whole day can be ruined by one bad event, and it doesn't even have to be big. And even that frustrates me.
I read somewhere that dwelling on negative thoughts works the same as addictive drugs. The thoughts consume you. And even worse, just like drugs, negative thoughts deteriorate our whole self. They hurt not only your emotional state, but your mental and physical as well.
I know this first hand. I have gotten to the point of physical illness from dwelling on the bad. It's not harmful.
I don't know how to stop thinking negatively. If I did I'm sure this post would get a lot more views. I've read a bunch of books, looked all across Google, talked to psychology friends about it. I think that's actually made me more frustrated. The answer I seem to come across all the time is "decide to be happy."
"Choose to think good thoughts instead."
Very helpful...
Maybe that works for some of the world. If it does, great! I'm legitimately glad that people can change their mindset by just not being negative anymore. But that doesn't seem to work for me. You can't tell me to just "be happy" and call it good. Cause, well, how?? How do I just "be happy"? To me, that's the equivalent of this conversation:
Novice: "I want to paint better. Can you tell me how to do that?"
Painter: "Simple. Just stop painting badly."
Novice: "Yes, that's the goal. But I don't know how to start. Are there steps to improving?"
Painter: "Just one: paint better."
Novice: ".... Right, but how? Maybe a class, or some techniques, or certain paintbrushes?"
Painter: "You're painting too much. Stop painting bad, and do it better. Don't paint bad things. Paint only good things, and then your paintings will be good."
The correct response to this would be "screw you, I'm gonna go find another teacher," but I haven't found a good painting instructor yet. All I've found is the above advice. And that's frustrating.
And there we go, back to the beginning. It's probably not good when trying to find advice on how not to be frustrated makes you more frustrated. But alas, so goes the internet.
However, amid all the non-advice, I have found something I like:
"Decide."
This isn't a fully formed idea yet, let me apologize for that up front. But it's a spark.
See, although our thoughts are hard to control, they are, after all, our thoughts. And while I'm not exactly sure how, we can decide what goes on in our lives. In the end, we get the final say.
Thoughts are hard to control. Actions are easier. But if actions come from thoughts, perhaps the line can flow both ways.
So here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna work on actions I can take to try and change my negative thoughts. Maybe this won't help my frustration. Maybe this won't help me in any way at all. But, what have I got to lose, right?
RB
